Embrace the Space

I was extremely apprehensive about chemo #2. I knew what to expect and dreaded the outcome. My port was used for the process and I was so grateful for it. On the day, it seemed everyone in the room was having trouble with their veins. My chemo seemed to flow in faster and the whole process was easy.

I went in very hydrated. I have always struggled to get enough water into my day because I never feel thirsty and just forget to drink. I expected the ‘red wee’ like last time but it didn’t come. It’s weird because the red wee is so strange but you rationalize it because one of the chemos is red and they tell you it will happen. When it didn’t, I thought there was something wrong. I called oncology the next day to ask. Can you imagine? “Um, hi, it’s Kristina Vonow, I had AC chemo yesterday and I don’t have red wee.” It’s laughable. Apparently all was fine so I went with that verdict and will ask more questions of my oncologist when I see her next.

Within days my scalp became hot and inflamed. I sought advice from my GP and got a medicated cream for the sores that itched and oozed. 12 days after chemo, they are just starting to abate. I think my immune system becomes so low, it can’t even fight a little soreness of a hair follicle. My scalp hurts and itches like hell but the cream helps, a bit.

While I was grateful this chemo round was overall easier with fewer side effects, I have heard No. 3 and 4 can be grueling. I will see on Jan 9, but until then I’m savoring the little joys of life; early morning walks with Lynton, trimming leggy petunia flowers, light summer rose pruning, butterflies, Christmas, wonderful family and friends.

I have received the gift of ‘space’ in my life. I have space to think, give and receive love, smile, worry less, appreciate more, enjoy moments (and even micro-moments), laugh, and not get ahead of myself.

I am going to write a play based on one of my favorite books for young people. I have the time and I think I’m getting some creativity back. That’s the plan. I wonder if I can make it happen… J  

Hair Loss

Two weeks after Chemo 1, my hair began thinning. I’d had a short haircut but it was still very strange to have 40 or so strands in my hand if I combed my hair with my fingers. I cried. The physicality of it made the cancer somehow more real.

What they didn’t tell me was how much the scalp hurts through the hair loss process. You know when you wear your hair up and then let it down at the end of the day and it kind of aches at the roots? It’s like that, all the time, purely from the weight of your hair. 

As the days progressed, so did the hair loss, until I was too thin to go out in public without a head cover of some sort. I’d been experimenting with chemo caps and scarves in preparation but when it was a necessity… that was different. Three days after the loss began, I took the scissors to my hair and chopped it about 1cm all over. I shook as I cut but I hoped the pain would go. It helped but didn’t resolve it until I took the clippers to my head two days later. I wish I’d taken the advice of experienced friends who had told me to ‘just shave it off’. 

18^th Dec

I had a pre-Chemo 2, blood test this morning and saw my local GP. I have developed a few sores on my scalp (not uncommon) so she swabbed them and sent them off. With chemo pending, my immune system will be compromised again so I may need antibiotics to get on top of it. Also, after a few dizzy days recently, I can now stop taking my blood pressure medication and monitor it to see how it goes. This is all common too, apparently. 

It’s been nice to feel well this week and catch up with lots of friends and prepare for Christmas.

I have significant bald patches now and change up the scarf combinations daily. I often add a blingy brooch to sparkle it up a bit. I look forward to getting home and hanging out bald around the house. I don’t think I’ll ever go public with my bald head, besides how would I add the bling!

I'm not looking forward to chemo tomorrow but at least I know what to expect. 

X

Chemo and Port Surgery

Chemo

Chemo sucks!

I don’t care for those who say they ‘breezed through’ chemo. They couldn’t have had my cocktail.

Wednesday Nov 29^th,  Chemo 1.

As they administer the liquid benefit, they take you through a long list of possible side effects. It’s daunting but you know that it’s the only way to kill off this thing, so you know you have to just do it.

I had three steroid tablets and a large anti-nausea tablet and had to wait for an hour for them to take effect. They found a line in my forearm and hooked me up. Two different bags. It’s called ‘A/C’ and kills off the hormones that my cancer is feeding from.

It took about two and a half hours for the chemo to drip into my body and I was sent on my way with a collection of information and gifts from various groups.

Since then I’ve experienced a range of side effects including; dizziness, metal-taste, headache, a near fainting moment (followed by a drenching – maybe a huge hot flush?), tremors, and oh my, the constipation. No one could have prepared me for that.

There’s once again a curiosity and need to hear how others coped. I feel like I haven’t really done very well but how is that measured? Most seem to say day 1-5 are the worst so I’m expecting to feel a heck of a lot better tomorrow, just in time for surgery to have a port put in.

Every message and card, of love and encouragement fills me with joy. Thank you.

Monday Dec 4

I rang the Cancer Council yesterday and got some perspective. They have people ready to listen and I needed a good chat and cry with someone who could understand. I think it’s partly the speed of everything; less than three weeks ago I thought I was fit and well. I feel refocused and better.

Tuesday Dec 5 –surgery for the chemo port

I’d done the research and knew this was the right thing to do. My veins are hopeless at the best of times and chemo also shuts them down. It could get difficult for doctors and nurses to access my system and this also allows them to take blood if necessary. This little thing sits just under the right collarbone and feeds the drugs to near my heart.  

However, it was a general anesthetic, another thing.

I fasted from 6.30am but knowing I’d feel unwell, decided to take a ‘Maxalon’ before breakfast. I think this drug will be my new best friend. I couldn’t believe the difference and will start my day with it for a while.

The team at Modbury day surgery unit were so lovely. It’s a weird thing… sit here, come here, change into these, sit here, pee into this (just to absolutely make sure I’m not preggas! hahaha), wait here with these other nervous people about to go under for various things… walk into the operating theatre, see Dr Bev. And there she was. My surgeon. She is just the loveliest woman. Smile, warmth and hugs. She held my hand as I went to sleep.

Recovery. Done.

Another visit from Dr Bev while in recovery. All went well. More hugs and, ‘You’re doing really well’.

I’m not sure what they put in that anesthetic but I did not sleep one blink until 5.30am.